Friday, 22 June 2007

Poetry evening

Friends of Ramsgate Library are holding a poetry evening on Friday 29th June at 7pm in the Royal Temple Yacht Club in Ramsgate. Members of the Write Women Poetry Group will entertain with recent works.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Here is a TRUE story (embroidered by yours truly though) which I hope entertains and enlightens ?

In the early 80s I did a bit of Army Cadet Force leadership. The ACF Sergeant major asked me to set an initiative test for his cadets. He warned me to be careful of Cadet Corporal Smith (Name changed).

It seems that Cadet Smith was wont not to attend school. Where Smith was there was also mischief. But the creation of any prima facie case against young Smith was beyond the ability of mortal man.

The Sergeant major informed me that he hgad a strategy for the situation which seemed to elude the professionals of the "Eddycation system". Namely he blamed Smith anyway, with no regard for the disciplines of evidence. As a result Smith's single parent mum tended to write letters to the Sergeant major thankiong him for the wonderful effect he was having on her son. Smith was not at all resentful about being blamed for all mischief. Indeed he seemed gratified that the sergeant major took the trouble to blame him at all !

Arrogantly I thought there was no way the 15 year old Smith would catch me out. So I set my initiative test.

At the back of the TA Centre was a disused workshop. On one wall was a metal clad switch. I put a TA soldier on the floor clutching the switch handle and faking electric shock. On the far wall on a hook I put a kettle lead as a means of insulation the cadets should use to either switch off the supply or remove the victim from the source of his shock.

I expected the cadets to arrive and touch the victim or attempt to touch the switch. At which point I would disqualify them for also getting a shock.

Satisfied with my first aid initiative test I informed the sarnt major.

"Cadet Corporal Smith ... bring your section and tackle the situation you encounter" bawled the sergeant major.

Smith appeared framed in the workshop doorway. He bawled at his section to remain outside until called. Then he ran to the victim and grasped his boot heels. Dragged the victim across the floor such that the victim's clutching hand acted as the tool to switch off the supply. Then he shouted in his section to give cardiac massage etc.

The Sergeant major called the Section to attaend debrief.

Cadet Corporal Smith (much taken with the military habit of shouting) explained himself thus:

"I immediately realised that in a building of this age there would be no damp resistant membrane under the concrete, that there was considerable fault current running to earth from a live metal cased switch through the victim. I also immediately realised that the victim was wearing Army direct moulded sole boots as was I. I grabbed him by his insulated heels knowing that the involuntary spasm characteristic of alternating current shock would cause him to retain a grip on the switch handle. I kept his buttocks in contact with the concrete as I dragged him so that I remained in parallel with a safe earth path whilst also benefitting from the potential gradient effect of his boot soles in series with my own hence minimizing the risk of shock to myself. I used the victim's involuntary grasp as the means to isoalte the supply without danger to myself or men SAH"

Then Corporal Smith shouted "I would like to add my congratulations to the double cunning bastard who set this test. I nearly fell for the red herring. That kettle lead hanging at the far end of the building there. But I realised that time was of the essence and that the time to fetch the kettle lead, as an insulated means to rescue the victim, could be the difference between life and death."

The sarnt major asked me to award marks

"Full marks Sarnt major .... plus the bonus for spotting the red herring".

Smith marched his men out of the workshop triumphant.

When Smith was out of earshot the Sarnt major whispered conspiratorially to me

"Hi warned yew abowt Smiff ... but yew woz hequal to him ... yew magnificent f-cking hypocrite"

The sarnt major later asked me where I thought Smith, the school skiver, got his education.

Never at school.

"Did you not notice the tendency of Smiff to talk like a f-cking text book ?"

"Now you mention it Sanrt major yes"

"Ramsgate library. Teaching himself. That is why he is head and shoulders over the other silly twats who attend school and rely on teachers for an education. The sort of architrecture young Smiff appreciates too."

Young Smiff knows who he is ... now in his 40s ? Champion lifeguard ???

Signed Hypocrite Best wishes Proud of you son